Many times in this life we feel everything is finally settling to the point of life being GREAT. Then it hits, the conversation with a doctor on something that you thought was not a big deal. Well...beautiful people...this happens. i am not perfect and I am not proud of the way I handled these conversations. I am not a writer by any means and I am not perfect, but maybe just maybe sharing my experiences changes someones perspective and they make the change before they change their life in a negative way.
Hysterectomy...that word is one of those words that slaps you in the face at the age of 27. So there I was, 27 years old 3 miscarriages no kids and this was the solution to my 6 month period. Anger and fear are powerful words and the words that ruled my life for years. After years of anger and fear, I struggled with another health issue and then another BOMB hit...you need Brain surgery. WOW...serious God are you not tired of kicking me around.
Here I am 29 years old angry out of my mind and at this point in my life I was numb. I said yes to the surgery because I had zero quality of lie and though to myself "if it kills me it is better than this life anyways." So I had the surgery, got divorced a little bit after full recovery and realized that my life was ridiculously difficult. This is not a sob story, I promise.
I end up falling head over heals for a wonderful man. He is not perfect either but he is "my gift from GOD." I am extremely blessed and grateful and this is why. Turns out that this amazing man comes from a previous marriage where he had 3 beautiful and amazing children. He did not know about my health, but on the first date he said, "I do not want anymore kids." HA,...well "I cannot have kids." God had a plan for my life.
God knew that my health was going to be challenging. God knew that I would have not survived or at least not be ok if I had a baby of my own. I mean seriously my miscarriage lead to needing brain surgery later down the line so imaging full on having birth. So this is my life now and it dawned on me...God is perfect. I am not perfect and nobody in my life is perfect, but God is perfect. So here I am 5 years after hysterectomy and 3 years after brain surgery and I am the most grateful person in the world. I have 3 beautiful children that are super healthy and well. I have an amazing husband that loves me for who I am and makes me laugh daily, frustrates me and helps me grow as a person. I have an amazing support system in my parents and brothers. I also realized that i have 3 beautiful kids waiting for me in heaven and I will someday be blessed enough to meet them and love on them as much as i would have loved on them here on earth.
I do not promise a perfect life after your struggles. I do promise that God does in fact have a plan for your life that will be perfect for you. Yes, I still struggle with anxiety and sporadic depression. Overall, I have an amazing life and I have learned to see God's hands in everything that happens in my life and in the life of those around me.
